So That's Why Cats Like Trees
by jujitsuelf
Summary: Why is Cougar annoyed with Jensen, will he ever forgive him? Will he ever come out of that damn tree?


**So That's Why Cats Like Trees**

Disclaimer - nothing is mine, sadly. I'm just playing. Everything belongs to the wonderful Mr Diggle.

"Cougar?"

Jensen peered up into the tree.

"Cougs? Come down okay?"

Silence.

"Cougar, come the hell down."

Still silence, only this time a knife flew down from the leaves and embedded itself in the soft ground at Jensen's feet. He picked it up and stabbed it into the tree trunk.

"I mean it, come down from the goddamn tree."

At least this time he got an actual reply, even if it was a succinct,

"Fuck off."

Jensen narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath, sending up a silent prayer for the strength to deal with sulking team mates currently ensconced in the large oak tree in his sister's backyard.

"I will not fuck off till you come the fuck down you sulky bastard."

Okay, maybe this wasn't the most subtle way of dealing with an annoyed Cougar, but nobody had ever accused Jensen of being subtle.

"I'm not sulking, I'm fine here, go to bed."

Cougar wasn't even visible, the tree's branches and leaves were so dense. Even so, Jensen could hear the 'if you don't leave me alone this second I'll shoot you and you'll never see which branch the bullet came from' in his voice. Jensen bit his lip and continued.

"I'm not leaving you in a tree, however pissed off you are. What's up anyway? Who rattled your cage?"

There was silence except for a softly muttered "Idiota."

"Okay I'm an idiot!" Jensen yelled, "At least I don't storm out of perfectly good bars and go sit in a tree for half the damn night, porque eso es estupido. (because that's stupid)"

"Estupido, you say _I'm_ estupido?" There was a definite edge to Cougar's voice now, and Jensen took a few paces back from the tree, wondering how many weapons the sniper actually had on him.

"No, I didn't say _you_ were stupid, I said leaving the bar and _sitting in a tree _was stupid" Jensen babbled " Just come down already, it's after three in the morning and I'm too tired for this shit. Don't make me come up there after you."

Cougar gave a derisive snort and said,

"Tienes la gracia y la coordinación de un búfalo vistiendo patines, (you have the grace and coordination of a buffalo wearing roller skates) don't even bother, you'll just hurt yourself."

"Hey, I understood that you know!" Jensen shouted in an injured voice, "And I'll have you know I am as graceful as a swan, and a badass at tree climbing! And besides, you're stuck in the nineties, everyone wears roller blades these days, even buffalos."

There was an exasperated huff from above him and Jensen heard Cougar shift to another branch. When he spoke again, the Mexican's voice was low and tired.

"Just go to bed Jake, I'm fine. Leave me alone."

"How many times do I have to fuckin' tell you? I'm not going to bed till you come out of the stupid tree and tell me what's wrong."

"You see, you are an idiot!" Cougar yelled, "What's wrong is you fucking the first girl who bats her eyelashes at you. Did you even ask her name? She could've been anyone! Even Clay wouldn't touch her! God only knows what she could have given you, did you even think to use un condon? You're stupid and I'm sick of it. Now fuck off and leave me alone."

This speech was more than Cougar had said in a month, and it left Jensen a little breathless. The younger man tried to piece together the scrambled pieces of his brain and figure out what the hell Cougar was so riled about.

"You're pissed because I got laid and you didn't? Hell Cougs, you could've slept with every girl in the joint, all you need to do is the Spanish-y thing, with the bedroom eyes and women throw panties at you like it's going out of fashion."

Jensen could practically hear the furious eye rolling from the upper branches of the oak. Then Cougar said, sounding tired again,

"Yeah, okay, I'm pissed because you got laid and I didn't. Happy now? Go to bed."

Jensen frowned, not completely believing his friend.

"Are you sure that's all you're mad about? If I did anything else I'm sorry and I won't do it again, except I probably will as I have no idea what it was."

Silence again.

Jensen sighed and said loudly,

"If I did anything else I'm sorry!"

"Mierda, I'm not deaf you moron, shut up, you'll wake everyone else." Cougar sounded really annoyed now, time for Jensen to back away a few more steps.

He did take two steps backwards, only to collide with someone else. Someone who smacked him in the back of his head, hard.

"Ow!" Jensen rubbed his head and turned to face his attacker. His very large, manly, scary attacker, who turned out to be, Jolene.

A very pissed Jolene. A Jolene who grabbed Jensen's ear and dragged him to the base of the oak tree. The same Jolene who barked in a very passable imitation of a drill sergeant,

"Alvarez! Get your ass down here this fuckin' second or I swear there will be blood."

She released Jensen who rubbed his ear as well as his head now, and waited. In less than a minute, Cougar had slithered down from the tree and landed softly next to the blond man. They both stood at something like parade rest, instinct taking over when danger threatened.

Jolene stalked in front of them, looking dangerous even in her nightdress and dressing gown.

"Right, you two morons are going to sort this shit out right now. Do you realise your yelling has just woken the baby I spent an hour rocking to sleep? If you do not tell each other the truth this second, I swear, however badass you both think you are, I will hurt you."

This wasn't spoken, it was snarled. Even Cougar leaned back, trying to get away.

Jensen, as ever, spoke first.

"What do you mean, tell each other the truth? What the fu, err, hell am I supposed to tell him?"

Jolene just looked pointedly at Cougar, with an eyebrow raised.

"Tell him, or I will." She said firmly.

Cougar took a very deep breath and said to the floor,

"I'm pissed because you slept with someone, but not because you got laid and I didn't. Because I hate thinking of you with anyone else. It's driving me mad, and I know you'll hate me now I've said it."

The sniper actually took the Hat off and ran his hand through his hair distractedly.

Jensen had a thoughtful look on his face.

"So all the times you've stolen my girl, it's not because you're the horniest bastard ever to walk the face of the earth? It's because you're jealous?"

His face split into the biggest grin Cougar had ever seen, and he continued,

"Thank fuck for that. I thought I'd go nuts if I had to fake another orgasm. Why the hell couldn't you just jump me sooner?"

Cougar stared at him in amazement, then realisation hit and he grabbed the younger man and kissed him with everything he had.

Jolene huffed as she walked back to the house,

"'Bout fuckin' time."

Pooch met her on the porch and grinned.

"Sorted them out then?"

Jolene nodded grimly.

Pooch could just make out two tall figures scrambling back up the tree, one of them slipping and swearing more than the other.

He grinned again and followed his wife inside, softly singing,

"Jensen and Cougar sittin' in a tree…"

A/N - Yes, I wrote fluff, and I stand by it. They're just too adorable to not play with. What can I say? I'm shallow. My Spanish hasn't been used for a good few years so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Let me know if you like/hate it. Hugs to you all! x


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